The Kindness of Grace

Grace sounds like such a soft word. It sounds so meek and passive – like something that could never be strong enough to effect change. I think somewhere deep inside of me I’ve thought that to be the case. But over the past couple of weeks I’ve realized – deeply – just how wrong I was.

You see, I can be quite a selfish person. I have a tendency to be bossy and critical and can get really caught up in my own head. I’m sure that will shock some of you…ok, maybe not so much. (Unfortunately it’s often the people closest to me that get to see not-so-nice Amanda rear her not-so-pretty head.)  Add those selfish tendencies to a lack of sleep, lack of coffee and lots of stress over unfinished art pieces for our Berlin gallery and you have the equation that led to some serious crankiness. 

Enter Bryan; patient and gracious, helpful and thoughtful. While I threw out request after request for help with errands and became increasingly cranky and emotional he graciously responded with, “of course, I’m glad to help” and “it’s ok, you’re just stressed”. To be honest, all of the grace that he showed me – his unwillingness to get frustrated or upset – made me mad. I wanted him to respond the way I was. I wanted him to focus on defending himself and leave me to my needed attitude adjustment. After all, it’s that tough love that brings change, right? But he didn’t. He gave me grace, and lots of it. And do you know what happened? I felt the weight of it. I felt the need to look at my actions and realized how horrible I was being. I felt compelled – ok, convicted – to apologize and change those actions. In a word, to repent.

Who knew that a “passive” act like grace could change people? Oh, wait, that’s right…Jesus. We are quite selfish people if you get down to it – every last one of us. But in the midst of that, he offered himself in the greatest act of grace the world has ever seen. And it actually started long before the New Testament. God is a god of redemption and reconciliation. His heart is to have us back, not to shout out how horrible we are to make us feel bad for the sake of it.

I’m thankful God used Bryan to show me such a powerful and convicting illustration of how deep that goes and how effective grace can be.

After all, as it says in Romans 2:4

…God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.

So, I encourage you today to take the challenge of Jesus’ lead and let his grace work through you to show His kindness. Hopefully, one day I’ll get there, too.

 

It’s Been Done Before

This week I decided to start down a road that one of my roommates has deemed a bit crazy – and she’s probably right. I decided to start training for a half marathon. That in itself isn’t so crazy; lots of folks around here do that all the time. But I’m going from few and far between workouts to hopefully running 13.1 miles – in 11 weeks.

I did something similar last year when I trained for my first sprint triathlon in about 8 weeks. During that time, God showed me a lot of parallels between that effort and this spiritual journey I’m on. I’m happy to say that he has already started those little illustrations for me again.

When I stepped on the treadmill for the first training run I started to agree with my roommate. I thought, “This is crazy. I’ll never be able to run 13.1 miles so quickly.” I’m out of shape and out of running practice. But as that same roommate reminded me…I’ve done this before. While it’s a different goal, I’ve put in the work, followed the plan, and seen the desired results. And that fact is largely what propels me forward when I want to just stop and say it’s a lost cause. I have a proof. I have evidence that I can be disciplined and accomplish things I didn’t before think possible of myself.

Now for the connection. As I was putting one foot in front of the other in sheer determination, God reminded me how key that concept is in my walk with Him. I have a number of friends who are going through hard things. They are waiting on breakthroughs. And for one friend I recommended writing a list of all the things in which God has shown Himself faithful. A list of hard times that God ended and redeemed, promises fulfilled and just general blessings and favor. I’ve seen in my life and in scripture how important that remembering can be. Just like the reminder that “I’ve done this before” gives me the momentum to keep training, the reminder that God has come through more times than we can begin to count gives hope. It builds our faith and propels us forward to “run this race” that He has set before us.

The truth is, I’m human. I’m imperfect and I fail. There is a chance that, despite what I’ve accomplished in the past, I might fail at this goal. I could quit, I could injure myself – any number of scenarios could play out. But I’m still motivated by that past accomplishment. Now think about that God analogy. God doesn’t fail. It’s just not possible. Fine, I’ll give you that He doesn’t always do what we think is the right thing at the right time. But in the perspective of eternity – HE DOESN’T FAIL. Ever. So, if I am motivated by my meager little accomplishments, my soul should pure rejoice and leap out of this skin at the thought of God’s track record. The stories of His goodness and faithfulness would fill every shelf we could ever assemble. He is a faithful friend, ever merciful and full of grace.

What more motivation do we need?

I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken…

Psalm 37:25

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:26

 

Hello from Kathmandu

Greetings from Kathmandu!

It’s been a great week. There was a lot of flying and there have been a lot of photos. But the best part has been the array of interactions with amazing people. Some are good friends, some are people I’ve been fortunate to meet in seemingly random circumstances. But they have all made this trip special and worth every dime and hour on a plane.

I’ve witnessed the impact of the touching work of folks at The Well in Thailand; met beautiful, hard working women in the mountains of Nepal; observed the heartbreak of loss as people mourned the death of loved ones at a local temple; and soaked in a million other sights, smells, and experiences.

Photos aren’t uploading properly from the iPad for some reason, but I promise to share some soon. For now I’m off to bed, wondering what’s still to come.

 

A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words

Recently I had the opportunity to shoot portraits for a local writer. She needed headshots for her website, so we headed to one of her favorite locations, the National Arboretum. She was great to work with and certainly made my job a lot easier with her sense of humor and beautiful smile.

Here are a few of the shots we came away with.

Our second location was a bit unintentional. Apparently the Arboretum has restrictions on shooting on the grounds. So, about the time we finished the first part of the shoot we were asked to stop taking photos. We improvised by going down the street to a local cemetery. It might sound odd, but it was actually a great place for an outdoor shoot. Beautiful blue skies, green hills, and large trees made for an ideal backdrop.

 

Daddy, Daddy

Last Saturday as I sat on our porch enjoying the wonderful weather and a warm cup of chai, I heard conversations among the family down the street. A few minutes later I heard the searching call of what sounded like a toddler boy, “Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?” The cries seemed to be never-ending, each one with a different inflection. But it was so sweet. The boy was clearly searching for his father; not frantically, but certainly with determination and persistence.

But then I thought about what the dad might be thinking about those cries. If he’s anything like me, he might be so caught up in what he’s doing that those cries aren’t sweet and endearing, but instead an interruption. A break in concentration that rubs him the wrong way and forces an abrupt and irritated reaction. But that’s only if he’s like me – the me that I’m not always so proud of.

Then I had another thought. What if he’s more like our heavenly Father? Unlike my selfishness, the Father welcomes our searches, our cries for His presence. He never asks us to wait for a better time, doesn’t get irritated by our desire to be near him. I’m so thankful that He’s even more interested in having a relationship with me than I ever could be. And I hope that if I ever get the opportunity to be a parent myself that He’ll help me to be more like Him.

Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
Psalm 116:2

 

All About the People

The more traveling I do the more I realize that for me it’s less about the places and more about the people.

It all started in Morocco, which I still consider one of my favorite trips. It was a visit filled with new friends and invitations to share mint tea and special meals in the homes of local families. I love that so much more than just the tourist bit. When I come away from a place feeling like I have a newly extended family the trip feels worth it.

I guess that’s why I’m sitting here now, home in Northern Virginia, thinking of great times and wonderful people in Italy.

David and Jeffrey created a laid-back environment for us to get to know the coastal towns we visited and each other. There was plenty of time for conversations over macchiatos & laughter with wine.

Then there were the locals. As I started to get past my fears of asking for photographs I began to have wonderful encounters with people. There were laughs shared with the fisherman behind the abbey in San Fruttuoso, an invitation to view the inside of a mariner’s family home, and a conversation with a lovely couple in the train station.

That laughter, those conversations, and the wonderful, wonderful people are what has left this mark on my heart. Those are the things that make it hard to be home.

But, I suppose, it’s those things that I must make room for here. I must remember that amazing images and wonderful conversations are not only found on the other side of the world. They can be just next door if we look for them.

I guess I should be off to do some looking…

 

Challenge Is Good For the Soul

In life, once you’ve faced a certain amount of rejection in a particular area you often start to lose hope in the possibility of a positive outcome. But then something or someone challenges you to try again and put yourself out there in that vulnerable place. I think it’s there, in that place where you know pain, rejection, or failure are possible that you often find the greatest reward.

That’s sort of what has happened to me in some of my shooting this week.

I always have a hard time approaching strangers on the street that I would like to photograph. I have had a number of people respond suspiciously or negatively to my requests and I’d sort of given up on it lately. But this week Jeffrey and David have challenged me to push that fear out of the way and just ask. “The worst they can do is say no.”

As we walked toward the piazza in Manarola, David saw an interesting man sitting on a bench and told me to photograph him. So, I just did it. And it was actually a lot of fun. There was no conversation to speak of since I don’t know much Italian, but there were smiles and laughter all the same.

Is there anything you avoid shooting just because you don’t think you can? I challenge you to go shoot it. Don’t over think it. Don’t fear it. Just shoot it and keep pushing yourself until you are happy with the results.

 

It’s Official

I finally enlisted the help of some fabulously talented professionals to help me with naming and branding for my photography. The lovely ladies of Bittersweet Creative have helped me settle on the name of Selah Stills and have developed most of the branding items.

This past week I (with little notice) asked them to implement that branding into the first real product – business cards. I knew that it would be helpful to have those for my Italy trip and they responded with their usual patience and professionalism.

On Thursday night I came home to find these lovely things outside my door.

It still feels surreal, but it’s things like this that make it all seem like it might all be possible after all.

 

Packing Up

Thanks to my friends Cori and Laura, I had most of my personal belongings gathered together last weekend for my trip to Italy. That left any free time during the week to be filled with small errands and last-minute online orders. At the end of it, I’d amassed quite a bit of stuff to fit into my 3 bags.

I took Friday off of work so I would have time for the inevitable errands and packing. I’m so glad I did. It took me all day to clear memory cards, charge camera batteries, arrange dividers in my new photo bags, confirm insurance, …you get the idea.

Here is the photo gear I’m taking along. (Ok, since I’m in Italy now with no cell service I can’t get the photo uploaded from my phone. Instead, picture a 7D, Rebel xti w/ kit lens, 50 mm f/1.4, 8mm fisheye, 70-200 f/4, 24-105mm, 10-22mm, 580 exII speedlight, memory cards, cables, card reader, MacBook, external hard drive, Boda lens bag & AA batteries.

It all ended up here in my new Think Tank Airport Take-off Bag. (Once again, photo upload fail

I had the bag mostly filled and organized when I realized that I had to fit my new Boda lens bag in there as well. So, out came the gear and I repacked some into the Boda, pulled out dividers, and stuffed it all back in.  It’s a little tight, but I think it works just fine. I guess the real test will be when I’m trying to go from plane to train to taxi and shoot from them. I’m looking forward to trying the bags out and giving a review of each of them soon.

 

I Have Arrived

It feels like it’s been a very long day since I left the plane this morning in Rome. Partly it was due to my inability to follow signage (in the case of trying to find my train platform at the airport) and partly to being in the middle of one of the craziest travel events many I’ve talked to have dealt with.

Once again, the volcano in Iceland has made its influence known. I didn’t stop to think of the ripple effect that would occur once flights within Europe were mostly grounded. I quickly realized it when I made my way toward the ticket counter at the Roma Termini train station. The line seemed to go on forever. I made my way to the back of the line and hoped that what I’d heard of the Italian approach to a line wasn’t going to play out in this case. Thankfully it didn’t; everyone proved to be very aware of those trying to skip in front and they weren’t going to stand for it. Can you blame us? When you’ve waited in line for over 4 hours for a ticket that might not exist when you get to the counter you tend to not like the idea of someone bypassing the system.

But it wasn’t so bad. I met some great folks next to me in line from Britain. It was nice to have folks to chat with to pass the time. To be honest, you could gauge how long we’d been in the “queue” by what we found entertaining.

After about 4 1/2 hours they suggested I try another ticket counter while they held my place. I’m grateful they insisted. I found a set of self-service kiosks with relatively short lines and was able to get a ticket for the 6pm train to Genova.

Considering what they (and many other Europeans) were having to go through – with trains, cars, and busses filling up – I was very fortunate to get out of Rome the same day I arrived.

So here I am, safe and sound in my little hotel room in Genova and anxiously awaiting the arrival of the rest of our group & the rest of this adventure.