Being a working mom is hard! And I don’t mean because of the extra tasks you have to manage. I have an amazing husband who stays with our little one and does so much around the house. I know I’m fortunate in that.
No, I mean “heart stuff” hard. Maybe it’s because I’m not one who craves time at the office and the sense of accomplishment that can sometimes only come from work outside the home. Maybe it’s because I see so many social media posts of amazing Stay At Home Mom friends homeschooling their littles and wonder if I’ll ever get to experience that. I’m not sure what goes into it, but I know the depths of the feelings that come out of it.
Mom guilt is real and can be so intense. Am I doing enough for her development? Is she getting enough milk since pumping is not my strongest skill? Does she know how very fiercely I love her?
But even more than the guilt, these days I’m battling a sense that I’m not really a meaningful part of her life. I vulnerably told my husband this morning that I often wonder if, but for breastmilk, they don’t really need me in the mix to sustain their routine.
Guys, when I step back I know that is a complete lie from the enemy. But the fear, the distance, the disconnectedness – they feel. so. real. So right now I’m praying that I can know in the depth of my being who I am in Christ and what that means in my role as a mom. Not what I feel it should look like, but what He intends it to be. Our little family is on a journey like none other’s – and you are, too. We are all unique and purposeful parts of the body, the bride, of Christ.
“For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body.”
-1 Corinthians 12:14-20
It’s in searching HIM out that we often figure out the what and the how. That’s where I’m trying to set my focus.
What about you? How have you dealt with struggles with identity and “measuring up” in a certain role in your life? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.